I’ve learned the hard way that HOW I approach a creative project is more important than what I actually create. While some projects still make my stomach turn, I’m training myself more and more to monitor my energy through the process of ideation, incubation, creation, editing, publishing, reviewing.  

If I can’t take care of my energy.. anxiety takes over. I get eaten up by indecision. Something terrible will happen. There’s a lot more at stake than getting a project done.

Let me tell you a story about my mother.

“Should I change the lane? NOW? SHOULD I?”

My mother’s voice is up an octave.

Her shoulders raised to her ears. She is nervously looking back and forth while clutching the steering wheel in a death grip. My sister and I are her second-in-command: Yes, you’re clear. Go…Go… Go! GOOO!

My mother is hesitant. Her voice full of panic, almost reaching a shriek, she asks again: “Now? Now? Now?”

 Yes – Mum! Goooo!

My mother tugs at the steering wheel, putting her entire body into it and the car swerves to the right. 

But it was too late.

We heard a muffled THUMMMMP. The car stopped moving. My mother had waited too long to change the lane. She had unintentionally driven over a raised curb. At that speed, the tire had ruptured.

Now, we are stuck.

In the middle of the highway. 

Unable to move the car and unable to safely get out of the car either.

Despair.

The terror of making a switch

Twenty years later, I’m on a Zoom call with my sisters recalling with laughter, the comical and traumatic stress of our mother’s lane-changing antics. 

Both sisters physically wince, shrug, grimace when I say the words: ‘Mum’, ‘Changing lanes’, and ‘Remember’ in a sentence.

I’m amused by how we all assume the position for impact. 

Our bodies still seem to remember that terror of not being in control of the wheel and still stuck between this and that lane. 

Still, remember the terror of making a switch. The constant fear of a crash. 

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What kind of energy are you bringing to the moment?

Does any of this resonate with you? When you think of creating a piece of art, writing your life story, or recording a podcast… What kind of energy are you bringing to the moment?

Are you trying to create projects the way my mother used to change a lane? 

Should I? Now? Now? Do you feel wracked with fear, anxiety, and nervousness?
Stop for a moment and consider this. 

I’ve found that just as important as it is to be creating, so too is it important to bring consciousness to HOW we are creating. 

Of course, we need to be in a regular practice of creation to have this level of awareness. If we only create once every couple of years or months – we won’t be able to see our patterns or tendencies.

Over time though, knowing your creative tendencies will help you learn when the time is RIGHT to act. It takes practice, wisdom, and consciousness. 

Ask yourself these questions:

• How did I approach my last creative project?
• What is my tendency in creation – am I in hyper or hypo drive? Do I sit on projects for too long or do I act too quickly without thinking?
• What do I gain and what do I suffer from by choosing this way of creating?
• How can I bring more space and creativity to MY process of creation?

Is your creative process linked to your sense of identity?

It is important for me to note that my mother wasn’t particularly fond of driving. She got her driver’s license in her forties and literally memorized three routes. She learned how to get from our house to church, to the mall and the supermarket. And that was it. Later she added on parks and relatives’ houses.

I don’t know what it was about driving and changing lanes that filled her body with anxiety. I recently asked her and she said – she just wasn’t good at it. “I’m not a good driver.” She never felt that way about being in the kitchen.

When it came to cooking – she was adventurous, bold, and creative. She ruled supreme and we delighted in her prowess. She was constantly iterating and concocting, the master of her craft. When my mother dined out, you could almost see her taste buds working overtime – asking the question… how did they manage this? How can I recreate this? 

Yes. You are an artist.

In writing this article – I ask a similar question about the creative process and identity. 

What have we been told about our right to call ourselves artists? If you are stuck in a constant anxiety-ridden back and forth… do you feel you can still call yourself an artist? Or do we feel that drawing, writing and creating – is something the ‘real’ artists do? 

I hear you. 

I’ve felt this way for too long, until someone sat me down and looked me in the eye and said: ‘You are an artist.’ Since then, I’ve given myself a lot of space and time to practice, practice, practice on my art.

And I wish for you, the same.

Listen to the whispers of your heart – does it want you to create art?

Yes? Gather your mental, emotional and financial resources and give yourself the gift of time, conviction and patience.

Yes. You are an artist.

Yes. You can take your time.

Yes. You can go as slowly as you want.

Yes. You can absolutely change your lane successfully.